Ash to Ash, and the World Starts to Kill Itself

I told myself I wasn't going to write a post like this. There's just been too much controversy attached to it and people are being targeted regardless of which side they take. But I want to say my piece, and get it out, and it's not like a lot of people read this blog anyways!

So I used to follow the Ferguson shooting case pretty intensely. Like, I was checking for updates hourly and waiting anxiously for the latest developments. And then everything got extremely complicated, both sides got WAY too radical, and I stopped paying attention. Then they made the ruling for the case and all my feeds got clogged with people expressing outrage and other various opinions on the outcome and it's been almost non-stop. While I respect everybody for having an opinion and being brave enough to post it, some of what I've been reading has been truly heart-breaking. I'm not saying there's a right or wrong opinion. I honestly don't know which side should have won; another reason why I kind of stopped following the case, there was just so much and the stories were so different that I really couldn't tell who was being honest or not. But I'm not here to talk specifically about the case, the winners and the losers, or spew a ton of facts into everybody's face. I want to draw attention to another, more concerning aspect of this story, one that has been truly sad to watch, and something I'm going to call everyone out on, perhaps even myself.

So there has been tons of rioting going on since the case, lots of outraged people attacking people for being racist, calling the case outcome racist, calling the police officers racist, etc.... Like I said, I don't know if people really were being racist or not, we may never truly know why Michael Brown had to die, or why the officer shot him so many times. We'll never know if it was an act of racism, boredom, or self defense. But we automatically assume it's racism? Instead of people taking responsibility for their actions, they blame it on other things, such as racism; hiding behind a mask that will easily provoke the masses. Yeah, a white officer shot a black kid (sorry if you take offense to the terms, I'm not trying to be racist, just blunt with how people are describing it), he died, and it immediately becomes world wide news as people cry racism. Then a white man in Utah is shot by a black police officer, and it barely makes it out of the South West region. Do you see the irony in this? We're so quick to call racism when colored people are targeted, but it's nothing new when the cards are flipped. Sure, white people have done a lot of despicable things, things that although I'm ashamed to be descended from, I acknowledge every single day, and accept it as my heritage. Every day it reminds me of the person I never want to become and the things I never want to do in my life. What happened was in the past, and instead of beating everybody over the head for what happened then, focus on the NOW, learn from the past to change the future. I know that sounds like the dumb mumbo jumbo everybody hears when they go to those sappy motivational conferences or have that one friend on Facebook who posts those pictures. I promise I'm not trying to be like that, but it really is the answer to this problem. What happened happened, there's no turning back the clock. And while racism still is a problem today, it's not going to get better by everybody pointing fingers. It's not going to get better by rioting in the streets, looting and robbing people, attacking other people, and showing such hatred to everybody whether in person or online.

 It's truly been sickening to see how people have responded to this. I've read comments telling people to go off themselves because they just don't understand the world and would be better off not being in it, people being threatened and insulted because they are calling people out on being racist, and so on. Racism is not just white people targeting other races, it's the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races, and that's straight from the dictionary. Every race, every culture, every person, is guilty of being racist. I am, and so are you, and although I try to do everything possible to  not be. But I'm human; we're all human in the end, and isn't that what matters? Have you ever thought to think that all of the people who criticize white people for being racist and cruel and monsters, are being racist themselves? They are considering white people to be inferior because of their fatal flaw of being racist. That's what makes us as humans so ironic and hypocritical!  We're so fast to judge and blame, that we don't take the time to look at ourselves and our actions, and how we truly just mirror everybody else.

We seem to think that by just placing the blame on people, and telling them what they're doing or saying is wrong, is going to change them. From what I've seen, that's only half of the recipe, and we aren't even doing it right in the first place. People tend to believe that by putting others down while shoving our own beliefs down their throats will make everybody change and will turn the world into such a happy and beautiful place. We've lost a significant amount of respect when it comes to addressing people with differing opinions and it's almost despicable when people have views that are completely different from ours. For claiming that everybody is unique and different and beautiful and such, I guess it really doesn't apply to how people think, that apparently must be identical or extremely similar to everybody else's in order for our culture to be thrive. We've lost the concept of tolerance with other people, tolerating their person, as well as their ideas, and until we learn how to again, we'll only regress into our more aggressive nature that we supposedly claim to have grown past.

Activists like Al Sharpton claim to be like modern day Martin Luther King Jrs, champions for the minorities and advocates for the downtrodden and such. And while I have great respect to them for taking a stand and voicing their opinions, I can't say that I can march to their drum. It's not so much that they're too radical, I just think that they're going about it wrong. I actually agree with the statement that people like Sharpton are "to blame, in part, for the deterioration of race relations" (Taylor. Black Religious Intellectuals) .  Like I said, I have the utmost respect towards their courage to at least have a voice and try to do something, I just don't think it's taking us in the right direction. Instead of blaming everything on the government, and on one specific race, we all need to take responsibility for everybody's actions as a species. Blaming the government isn't going to change the world, it's not going to change how people act; people change that. People change people, and it starts with all of us. Instead of yelling at the government to change the way things are, YOU change things! Every single one of you. If you're sick and tired of people stereotyping you and judging you, make it so they don't have a reason to. If you're sick of being targeted as someone who would rob a bank or addicted to drugs or even just the nerdy kid in class, do something about it! The only person who can change one's mind about you is yourself. Don't give them the opportunity to find the negative aspects to you, let them see the person you want them to see. I'm not saying you need to change who you are in order to break free of these stereotypes. Rather, I'm trying to say that the way to break free of people being stereotypical and racist is to prove them wrong. That is when people truly begin to see, I believe, is when they realize that they misinterpreted a person, they got them wrong. It truly opens one's perspective and starts to create small cracks in the walls of their mind. And what power those cracks have! It make take time, years even, but people can change, and they can learn to see people in a new light. It can completely change a person, and you as well. Faith in humanity restored! Right? Just thinking this honestly makes me so happy and gives me so much hope. Maybe it's just the hippie in me coming out, but it's truly beautiful to think that people can change like that, and that there is some hope for us, and ending the struggle with racism in our society. It may not end in my lifetime, and it may never truly end, but we have the power to do some serious damage, and I've seen it in action, with myself, my friends, and people I've met as I've traveled to world. I've seen people apply these practices in their lives; they have been my greatest teachers and have changed my life and how I see the world permanently, and for the better! I've seen just how much power once voice can have in a community, among peers, or even in a family. To think that that power lies in each and every one of us is beautiful to me. So why don't we use it? Why don't you use it? We all have a voice that deserves to be heard, regardless of the numbers, or the responses you get, you have a voice, you have ears, use both and watch as they change your mind as well as the people around you. People seem to think that it is unity in mentality that brings the world together; but rather, it is the diversity of mind that promotes unity in this world. It is accepting that diversity that brings us all together, and it all starts with you. So despite all of the negativity and violence and controversy that has come from the Ferguson shooting, I believe that it is yet another valuable lesson and opportunity for us to change ourselves, and people around us. But if we keep going down this path of violence and blind racism, we will never see what that future will hold and the type of people we could become. I've started to do my part, and made my voice heard, even if it is just a whisper; now it's your turn, how will you respond?


Thanks for reading this! I definitely don't claim to be an eloquent writer by any means, but I do try to make it at least somewhat comprehensible. If you have any comments, any at all, I'd be glad to hear them, both the good and bad; I'm curious to see how people may respond to this, if at all! But thanks again for reading!

On a more serious note

So I apologize in advance, I don't mean to start out with such a depressing topic, but it's one that's been kind of nagging me for a while.

So basically a month ago, on August 2nd, this guy passed away in a car accident. He doesn't need a name,

or a fancy back story. All you need to know is that he was a VERY close friend of mine, one of my best friends in high school. This kid was my brother from another mother, my best friend, a guy I was in love with, and a teacher to me.  Basically, he was driving early in the morning in the canyon, drifted into oncoming traffic for unknown reason (suspected to be drowsy driving), hit a truck, and died on impact. I'm not writing a soapbox post about drowsy or distracted driving, don't worry. But I do want to share this experience and the good ol' conversation about death.

So, I'm sure you've all had loved ones pass away in your life. It's a natural course of life. But as far as my experiences go, the only people in my life so far who've passed away are much older, usually had some serious illness, and went peacefully. So when I got the news that my best friend had been killed, it was a complete slap in the face for me. Those of you who have experienced younger loved ones dying, I'm sure you can relate, but for those of you who haven't, it's a completely different experience. And it was interesting to see that the way that I grieved, was very similar to what I had learned in my psych classes. At first, I didn't believe it, it couldn't possibly be true. I had talked to him less than a week ago, he had sat right next to me when we had lunch, we had insulted each other and reminisced on our experiences watching Orgasmo together. The experience was so surreal as I experienced Stage One: Denial. Surprisingly enough, this stage hasn't completely ended for me. I still have a hard time believing the reality that he's gone. My friend was young. We had just graduated high school, he was about to leave on an LDS mission, the same day I was going to leave to go to college. We were young and invincible. At this stage, you don't even think that death could possibly be around the corner, it's not something we have to think about until we're OLD, when death isn't a sad. It was like having a bubble popped. We had been living in this perfect little bubble, and instead of it being popped when it was time, it was shot with a shotgun at point blank. For me and my friends, we were simply stunned. Time had stopped for us and we had no idea what to do. What do you do in this type of situation? It's not exactly something you can be prepared for, and if it is, that's seriously messed up. I remember being so angry, at everything, my friend, myself, God, regrets, everything. But the one thing I remember being the most upset about was how the world just kept on spinning. Life went on and I had to too. I was so mad that people just didn't stop and realize that my best friend, somebody's son, an amazing person, was now dead. People didn't stop and acknowledge it, life moved on. As a young adult, I thought this was so unfair and so cruel. 

Now, I grew  up as a Mormon, so I believe in an afterlife and that I'll see my friend again soon. In some ways, I think that has been both a blessing and a curse. Because I believe in an afterlife, I have faith that I'll be able to see my friend again, it gives me something to look forward to. But at the same time, it just makes me feel this..... wanting I guess. I've always been an impatient person and thinking that I may have to wait a lifetime to see my friend again tears me apart. I have many friends who are atheist, and when I look at how they've responded to my friend passing away, compared to me, they are coping so much better. They believe that he's gone for good, and that gives them closure. 

Because of this experience, my life has completely changed. Death scares me. I now realize that I could die at anytime. My friends and family could die at anytime, it's no longer something that just happens when you get old. Coping with this has been really hard. I mean, sure, you can keep telling yourself that death is a natural part of life, yada yada the whole Yoda speech, whatever. But being able to let people go, and being able to accept death, is so hard to do, and I honestly don't really know how to do it in the first place. 

But despite this being one of the worst things that has happened in my life, I have learned something out of it. Life truly is short, way to short. We don't know how much time we have left so we need to live and act like each day's our last. I'm not saying any of that YOLO crap or eat drink and be merry. No. I'm saying that we need to treasure each moment. My friend's last few days were perfect, it was pretty much something you'd read in a John Green book or something. He had absolutely no regrets. He constantly told his girlfriend he loved her, those were their last words. He told his family he'd see them at the finish line. He and I had made amends and were close friends again, not the awkward teens who used to have a thing, but then didn't because one of them found someone else. I was so hurt about that; I was so angry at him, but we made amends, and we were happy. My friend is the epitome of living life the "right way", with no regrets when he reached the finish line. So while death is one of the most terrifying experiences one can go through, there's so much we can learn from it. While I know that I won't be at peace with my friend dying for a while, it's made me value life so much more, and taught me that it's time for me to actually LIVE! (as I sit in my dorm on my computer blogging.... such a life!!)

Hmmmm, I'm sorry, I'm still getting used to writing for people to actually understand the blurb of my brain; like I said, ramblings of a mad woman. That, and it's really hard to get what's in my brain, especially on this topic, out in a coherent form. But thanks for reading!

If you have any similar experiences, advice, honesty about my scrabbled writing style, anything, feel free to comment!

Introductions....

Ugh, introductions... I've never been good at them and probably never will be. But I guess I'm supposed to write something super cool about myself so that you'll actually stay on my blog and read it, instead of accidentally stumbling upon it like you actually did! Whatever, we'll see what happens.

So I made this blog to just kind of voice my opinion out in the big world. I want to just get my voice out in the crowd, and honestly, just talk. It's not going to be some weird sort of journal or diary or anything.... More like it's for kicks and giggles and gives me something a little more productive to do.

This blog will probably literally be the ramblings of a mad woman. Just me talking about political stuff, religious stuff, anything that catches my fancy.

Now that that's out of the way, I'll try to post more interesting stuff than this next time.